I wish I Could Have A Winter Break

Sorry about the hiatus. Between class parties, birthdays, holidays, vacations, and that mom gig I took on over six years ago, I have had very little time for the computer. In fact I have so little time, I'm forcing my tushie back into the gym so I can utilize that energy boost exercise gives you.

Except I'm in the you-have-to-take-a-nap-because-I-have-to-take-a-nap-argument-with-my-3yo phase of exercise.

I haven't even knit anything noteworthy.

I'll be back when I'm back.

The Menehune Were Here

I'm back!


Muddy Mountain Mama's muddy arse doing muddy yoga in muddy hiking boots on the beach (which was not muddy)

True to form we only took about eleven pictures, and we aren't even in half of them.

These pics are from the cave at the Hanakapi'ai Beach off the Kalalau Trail along the Na Pali Coast.

We knew we had been reading too many Hawaiian words when we looked at a bar menu and wondered what AH-lay was. Spelled A - L - E.

We figured it out.

Over the next week or so, I'll be sharing stories about bad snorkeling, worse weather, Nazi Yoga, and the dead body we almost found (thank goodness we postponed our drive by three minutes for coffee--a local made the discovery instead of us). But overall...

...It was a great trip. It's just that the best parts of it are rather boring to write about.

The Iron Man Trimester

The last time I was in Hawaii, I was on the Big Island. It was a business trip for the Businessman and I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with Vicious.

On the plane, I noticed that there were a lot of bald men with shaved legs but I was more concerned about my getting up to pee every 30 minutes and wishing I could have a Mai Tai. When we got off the plane, there were about 50 bicycles in baggage claim. Still nothing clicked. When we boarded our shuttle the driver asked me the following question:

Are you here for the Iron Man?

Great. I'm surrounded by lean, stringy triathletes and I look like I've swallowed a whale and have ankles the size of Pacific Northwest tree stumps.

The day before the race, I went to a shave ice stand and got shave ice over ice cream. A lady glanced at my order, did a double take and asked me if I knew the carb-to-protein ratio of my snack. Because she wanted one but didn't want it to affect her race.

Needless to say, I didn't care about the carb-to-protein ratio. I was making up for my Mai Tai deficit.

And eating for two.

Adventures in Basketweaving

Once upon a time we took my nine month old son and his Oma, Mountain Mama's Mama, to Kauai.

And one night we decided to have an adventure.

I had fallen in love with the baskets woven out of palm fronds and I had just bought a book with instructions for said endeavor. My fingers were itching to give it a go. The only major problem we could see, was that we were staying in a well manicured area and all palm trees were on hotel property and in plain sight. Ergo, we needed to go into stealth mode to obtain a palm frond.

During our stealth maneuver we discovered a few things:

• Most promising palm trees in highly manicured areas are well lit even at night
• Palm fronds are remarkably tough. We had to go back to our condo for a knife.
• Palm fronds can be over 15 feet long, which is a little obvious when you're walking down the highway.
• Hiding behind palm fronds is not great camouflage if your mother-in-law bursts into laughter every time she looks at you.

But perhaps the saddest thing we learned:

• Palm fronds from the south side of the island are not ideal for basket weaving.

We ended up going to the north side and buying a basket. The weaver pretended to be impressed by my lopsided attempt...

...But he was truly impressed that the Businessman was able to harvest a palm frond from the Sheridan Poipu.

Hawaii Honeymoon

The first time I went to Hawaii I was on my horneymoon. It was as wonderful as any first vacation as a married couple should be. We were on Kauai where we rode in boats, helicopters, and a convertible. We chased geckos around our hotel (did you know they squeak like mice?). We ate in cheap local dives and snorkeled hours at a time. We did everything as a couple.

There was this one hike though...

Kauai is home to Waiamea Canyon, a grand canyon of sorts. The Businessman wanted to hike what he told me would be a quick little trek into the highest swamp in the world and then we could go back to the ocean. After driving all the way up the mountain to the trail head, we parked the car and started out.

We were halfway through our two year stint in Minneapolis so I wasn't yet conditioned to like rain. It was drizzling. I was dressed in a cotton jersey dress, which soaked through quickly, and flip flops. It was slimy and muddy, I kept slipping and I was getting more and more frustrated. TBM decided to run up ahead to see "if the clouds cleared up" and I waited by a tree for a few minutes. I got bored and started slogging my way up the trail and eventually found my new husband's shirt, jacket and our camera heaped in a pile by the tree. Fed up with the whole thing I grabbed his clothing and the camera and trudged my way back to the car. Whereupon I remembered he still had the keys.

I sat on the hood of the car for over an hour.

When he finally turned up, he was covered in mud from head to toe except for his teeth, which were quite prominent since he was wearing such a big smile.

"Oh, I'm glad you turned back. You wouldn't have made it. Did you grab my shirt?"

He kept telling me how amazing it was. So beautiful and he especially enjoyed sitting at the top of the mountain and watching the clouds form. It took the long drive down the canyon to calm me down enough to explain why he was such a jerk, abandoning me on our honeymoon. But I got over it.

When we flew back into Colorado, which was where the wedding was, we had a small luncheon at my parent's home where we unwrapped and cataloged wedding gifts. His mom, during the ritual debriefing I have since learned follows all travel, asked us what our favorite part of the trip was.*

I, being a newlywed, blushed. He said:

"Waiamea Canyon!"

I almost threw a blender at him.

His favorite part of Hawaii, his favorite part of our honeymoon, his favorite part of the trip that would start our marriage...

...The two hours he wasn't with me.

I'm back in Kauai now. I have no intention of climbing Waiamea Canyon.

*A word of advice: Never ask your children (or your parents) what their favorite part of the honeymoon, romantic weekend, or liaison was.

Answering Machine

Today is my blogaversary. It's also my birthday and the day I leave for Hawaii, a trip that was booked nine months ago, to celebrate my anniversary, which was over a month ago.

I am blissfully ignoring technological marvels like highspeed internet, cellphones and global climate change. I am also blissfully carefree of children, email, and indigenous snakes (of which Hawaii has none).

I'll be back next week.

Aloha!

The Bends

The Businessman is impossible to shop for.

Three years ago, I got him the perfect Christmas gift--Scuba diving lessons. He was thrilled. He was ecstatic. He has always wanted to learn to scuba dive.

He never took them.

A year and a half later, he decided he never took the lessons because there was no point in just him learning how to scuba dive, so he went and purchased a set of lessons for me too.

We never took them.

Now, he has decided it's pointless to learn to scuba when we never really go places where we could dive.

Like Hawaii.

Tired of knowing that we had $300.00 tied up at the scuba store (and very grateful the shop owner is lax about these things) we went on a mini shopping spree with our store credit and got gear we will use.



For snorkling. This Friday.

Which makes this story a round-about way of telling you I have no idea what to get him for Christmas